My Auntie says...

The following words have come out of actual patients' mouths. I am in private practice and my patients are generally well-educated... supposedly.

Patient #1: Doctor, I've been doing the "Dairy Diet" for a few months now and I am gaining weight instead of losing it! I think there is something wrong with my hormones.

Me: What's the Dairy Diet?

Patient #1: Well my auntie told me about it. She said that I had to eat a lot of diary throughout the day, so I've been eating at least 4 bowls of ice cream a day, but I still keep gaining weight!

Me: Oh my...

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Patient #2: I don't know why I keep getting yeast infections.

Me: review ways to avoid yeast infection, blahblahblah, including eating a lot of active cultures, like yogurt.

Patient #2: Oh, you are suppose to eat the yogurt?! My auntie told me to put the yogurt up my vagina

Me: Oh my...

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Patient #3: There's something wrong with your office. Every time I come, your scales say I weight over 300 pounds! I know I don't weight 300 pounds. All my friends and aunties say that I don't look like I weight 300 pounds.

Silent Me: sucka...