Stuck Up

Recently we went to visit my parents for the weekend. Usually Little Ninja sleeps in the study, Husband sleeps on the couch (we won't go into that for now, but it's for the best. For me.) And I sleep on queen with Meatball on the floor next to me.

The first night Ninja was cooperative and slept willingly and happily in her "princess bed." However, the second night she refused and kept crawling into my bed. I didn't press the matter because we were leaving in the morning, and I was worn down. At first I thought she was asleep while getting Meatball and I ready for bed, but then an hour later I found her sleeping on my side of the bed, the side I needed to be on since Meatball was on the floor on that side.

I quietly tiptoed into the room and was going to gently nudge her over when she sat straight up, completely awake and said, "No Mommy, I don't want to sleep on that side. There is something dirty there!"

"What's dirty? You mean, on that side of the bed?" I asked

"Uh-huh. Look!" as she pointed to three small boogers lined neatly along the edge of the bed.

Horrifying. How could my mother fail so utterly in housekeeping and hospitality?! How could she let us sleep on such filthy sheets!

"I wonder where they came from?" I said in a digusted manner.

In an equally disgusted tone of voice she said, "From MY NOSE."

The Dilemma Part 2

Yeah, I suck. Big Time. My last entry shows how retarded I am. I do feel better after writing it, which I always do after journaling. I am just so glad that nobody reads this blog. What parent with small children wouldn't give their right eye for my in-laws? So what about Husband. To quote him whenever I complain to him about something, "Well at least I don't do drink, do drugs, gamble, and murder people."

True, true. The makings of the perfect husband.

So, we are actually on this trip, with the in-laws. It's really not bad. They are so easy that you feel like Hitler for ever NOT wanting them to come.

Sometimes I am just glad that I didn't marry myself.

Dilemma

So, for some reason, I always have my panties in a wad regarding my in-laws. Not that I have a problem with them. They are FANTASTIC. The problem regarding my in-laws is actually a problem I have with my husband.

Now, I have to remind myself that Husband is a wonderful person. He really is my heart. And he does have a big one. The problem is that he is forever a child in some aspects. In particular, is he child-like quality of not doing anything he doesn't want to do. That includes taking care of our children.

Is he a bad father? Not at all. He's a terrific one. However, he always is engrossed in one project or another and if I need him to watch the kids for awhile, he just won't. His parent live within walking distance, so it really isn't a big deal for his mom to drop by, but DAMN IT! He's the dad and this is my house, and sometimes I just don't want her to be there and I just WANT him to WANT to watch the kids!!!

Same thing with family vacations. I mean, the kids make going anywhere a drag by virtue of their infantile ways, someone is always wanting to nap or eat or cry etc etc..... But do the in-laws have to come EVERY TIME? The one time they did not come, Husband wanted to leave for home after 2 days. He is at home a lot, but NEVER without his mother there taking care of the kids. He does work from home, but really, he just doesn't MAKE THE EFFORT. He'll play with them, read to them, occasionally feed them and change them, but only when he FEELS like it. Anytime he doesn't, his mom is just minutes away. We see his parents daily, no hourly. Can I just have some space?! Can Husband just be happy about the daily grunginess of having kids?! I want to move away!!!!!!

I try to bring it up, about us actually raising our own children, but his argument is always that he works very hard to make money and he pays his parent in exorbitant amount of money to help us. So why shouldn't they help him when he needs help?

There is no way I can change his mind, and we always end up fighting because he gets angry and says I make him feel like a bad father. So it's just not worth bringing up all the time. But we may be going out of town today, and of course he asked ME if we should bring his parents. Of course he always asks, but there is only one correct answer. So I sigh, and say, SURE. He's all like, Yeah, that a great idea! The kids are just too hard to take care of by ourselves....

Arghhhhhh!

Now I am left with this bitter, yucky, feeling. Just not excited about going. I hate feeling this way. I'm just a big ole mean bitch. I should be grateful and happy. I am the luckiest person in the world. So why do I feel sad, misery, dejected, almost martyr-y, and generally Scrooge-ish? I don't want to take it out on this poor parents (who probably want for us to get away from them) or Husband (but I can't help it and then I make him mad/sad and we fight.)

Lord help me!