Dilemma

So, for some reason, I always have my panties in a wad regarding my in-laws. Not that I have a problem with them. They are FANTASTIC. The problem regarding my in-laws is actually a problem I have with my husband.

Now, I have to remind myself that Husband is a wonderful person. He really is my heart. And he does have a big one. The problem is that he is forever a child in some aspects. In particular, is he child-like quality of not doing anything he doesn't want to do. That includes taking care of our children.

Is he a bad father? Not at all. He's a terrific one. However, he always is engrossed in one project or another and if I need him to watch the kids for awhile, he just won't. His parent live within walking distance, so it really isn't a big deal for his mom to drop by, but DAMN IT! He's the dad and this is my house, and sometimes I just don't want her to be there and I just WANT him to WANT to watch the kids!!!

Same thing with family vacations. I mean, the kids make going anywhere a drag by virtue of their infantile ways, someone is always wanting to nap or eat or cry etc etc..... But do the in-laws have to come EVERY TIME? The one time they did not come, Husband wanted to leave for home after 2 days. He is at home a lot, but NEVER without his mother there taking care of the kids. He does work from home, but really, he just doesn't MAKE THE EFFORT. He'll play with them, read to them, occasionally feed them and change them, but only when he FEELS like it. Anytime he doesn't, his mom is just minutes away. We see his parents daily, no hourly. Can I just have some space?! Can Husband just be happy about the daily grunginess of having kids?! I want to move away!!!!!!

I try to bring it up, about us actually raising our own children, but his argument is always that he works very hard to make money and he pays his parent in exorbitant amount of money to help us. So why shouldn't they help him when he needs help?

There is no way I can change his mind, and we always end up fighting because he gets angry and says I make him feel like a bad father. So it's just not worth bringing up all the time. But we may be going out of town today, and of course he asked ME if we should bring his parents. Of course he always asks, but there is only one correct answer. So I sigh, and say, SURE. He's all like, Yeah, that a great idea! The kids are just too hard to take care of by ourselves....

Arghhhhhh!

Now I am left with this bitter, yucky, feeling. Just not excited about going. I hate feeling this way. I'm just a big ole mean bitch. I should be grateful and happy. I am the luckiest person in the world. So why do I feel sad, misery, dejected, almost martyr-y, and generally Scrooge-ish? I don't want to take it out on this poor parents (who probably want for us to get away from them) or Husband (but I can't help it and then I make him mad/sad and we fight.)

Lord help me!